I published the first entry of this blog on May 29, 2003. It blows my mind that I’ve kept this site going for five and a half years. In that time I have been on tremendous journeys, many of which would have been impossible if it weren’t for this very blog. I can’t imagine what my life would be today if I had never taken the plunge and opened The Barn doors.
Over the years I’ve gone through phases when I didn’t feel like blogging. I’ve hit creative slumps and taken some time off, but I’ve always worked through them or had that spark of inspiration to send me back to the keyboard. But this time is different. This time hasn’t been an issue of not having anything to say, or having something to say but not knowing how to say it. I have things to say. But I either can’t say them here anymore or just don’t want to say them for everyone.
So much has gone on in my life lately and I’ve been unable to write a lot of it here. Part of that is due to so many of the important players in my life reading this blog, which keeps me from being able to honestly write my feelings. Not that I have anything negative to say, but sometime you just don’t want everyone to know everything about your inner thoughts, you know? And if I can’t do that here then it sort of defeats the purpose of the blog. As a result, I’ve been doing a lot of my living “off the grid”, so to speak, and loving it. I have my core group of friends and confidants who have always been there for me, and I’ve found that I’ve used them even more in recent months, resulting in deeper connections and richer friendships. And that makes me very, very happy.
All in all, I’m very content right now. The chaos within my family has come to a wonderful state of calm and we’re all moving on in a positive direction. Soon our family will grow and we’ll have even more to celebrate. My health is in a great place, both physically and mentally. My relationship with K. is stronger and more rewarding than ever. Work is actually stable and enjoyable. I feel artistically and musically fulfilled and inspired with my singing in Riverside Choral Society and the fantastic success of Living Room Productions. And I have the best friends in the world. The best.
So it’s time to close the barn doors, my dear and loyal readers. I’m going out on a high note with joy and triumph. My domain doesn’t expire until April and I have no plans to take this blog offline before that time. You can get your MAK fix by perusing the archives and revisiting your favorite stories. My e-mail will remain active, as well, and you can always drop me a note anytime you desire. I’m admittedly sluggish when it comes to responding, as many of you know, but I always reply eventually! And, of course, I am hopelessly addicted to Facebook and posting randomly whacky status updates there.
I’ve met so many amazing and wonderful people as a direct result of this blog. I want to take this opportunity to single out the three individuals to whom I owe the most:
Joel: His was the first blog I ever encountered. He has been there since the birth of this blog, as a supporter and a friend, through all of our deliciously sordid experiences together. Without Joel Derfner and Faustus there never would have been MAK and The Barn.
Bob: The best and worst partner in crime I could ever have hoped to meet through this blog. My liver, what little there is left, hates you. But the rest of me loves you. You’re my best friend and I’m forever grateful for finding you in this big, bad blogosphere.
Jodi: The DNA results haven’t come back yet but when they do we’ll know once and for all that we were separated at birth (one of us clearly falling right out of a vagina and into a time vortex that caused us to be raised in different times and places). I am so lucky to have met you and shared so many naughty adventures with you.
Is this goodbye forever? Who can say. As of this writing, I don’t foresee The Barn opening for business again. But life is full of surprises and options. With K. going away for six months next year I may want to start blogging again, although it would likely be in a new place and under a new name. And I may well find out that I actually can’t shut up and have to expose the interwebs to my incessant babbling all over again.
Thank you, each of you, for being part of ‘Til The Cows Come Home and making my life so rewarding for these past five and a half years. I wish you health and happiness, and lots of laughter. As Dorothy said to Rose, Blanche, and Sophia in “One Flew Out The Cuckoo’s Nest”, the series finale of The Golden Girls: You will always be my sisters. Always.
The cows have come home.
Posted by mak at November 8, 2008 11:37 AMMak, I can definitely identify with your feelings and all I can say is: Thank you. Thank you for sharing.
You were a wonderful person person to have met, your sense of humour and your zest for the living always sticks with me... So through the good and the bad and sad, it's been an amazing (and still ongoing) journey. Never say never about the blog, right? But yeah, you never know.
And yes, I'll be keeping myself updated via your facebook status updates.
>>
Posted by: Maloney at November 8, 2008 12:04 PMI was juuust with you on MSN Messenger, and juuust over at your Facebook page, and I had to learn about this from the latter because you didn't mention it in the former! And now I come here and see my name UP IN LIGHTS, and I must tell you, my darling sailor, that I am mooved (oh shut up, you love it) to tears.
Posted by: Jodi at November 8, 2008 12:44 PMoxoxoxoxccoxoxo
Posted by: bob at November 8, 2008 5:07 PMThe bottom of my stomach dropped out as I started to read your post. I admit, I am heartbroken. But I understand that we come to points in our lives when we just want to make a change. I know that I am there now and it is obvious you are as well. Thank you so much for sharing your life, loves and hates with the blogspher. (I have no idea if that is the correct word) Even though we've never met, I feel like I know you. I'm going to miss that "peeping Tom" experience. (OK, I admit, things have been slow in my life for a while.) Hopefully Jodi will continue with her blog, and Alex & Dean with their podcast and the world won't go horribly off kilter. Take care and best of luck.
Vivian
Bummer. But I get it. I totally get it.
Good luck. g-d speed.
It's been great, MAK. Hurry back.
Posted by: Joe R at November 8, 2008 8:10 PMWhile I'm honored to be named as one of your influences, I must point out that after Dorothy said that to Rose, Blanche, and Sofia, she came right back. So I'm not sure how seriously one ought to take this declaration.
(This is called "being in denial." You should try it. It's got a lot to recommend it.)
Posted by: Faustus, M.D. at November 8, 2008 8:25 PMOh, MAK. I hope that we'll be able to keep track of you on facebook. We will miss reading you. Thanks for more than five years of sharing your ups and downs with us. We want to stay in touch!
Big hugs!
Posted by: Marc at November 8, 2008 9:38 PMPerhaps this is a good excuse to take you out for dinner and drinks more often. We don't see enough of you these days. Even so, I'll miss your blog. It always felt like a connection to you, especially when we hadn't seen you for a while.
Posted by: Jess at November 9, 2008 9:41 AMHey MAK, sorry to see you go. Hope you'll be back one day. Thanks for all the wonderful times.
Posted by: Kevin at November 10, 2008 3:35 AMOh, great. Now I have to drink the Kool-aid and follow Facebook. Thanks a lot, Matt.
The Barn was one of the first blogs I ever found, and the first blog I ever found so interesting that I read through the archives from the beginnng. There would be no Tuna Girl without MAK. (I don't know if I should blame you or thank you!)
You know how I feel about you and I'll miss following along on your blog. Thanks for the five plus years, my friend.
Posted by: Karen at November 10, 2008 10:05 AMAs always, I'm so late.
You're such a great person, Mak. Thank god there were blogs to connect us, living only a few miles away but worlds apart, as it were.
You and K are two special guys and I'm so happy that life is good and that the closing of the barn is just another step in life.
Godspeed, dear!
xoxoxo,
e
what can I say? I read this one religiously, and it feels like the end of an era; but like you saud, there's always facebook, and the next time I end up in NY, I'm buying the cocktails. Thanks for sharing your life here, and don't ever stray too far away from facebook.
dx
I wish for you and your hubby only the best. I will always remember reading your blog around the time when our dads passed away and in some small way I felt a closeness as in someone who understood. I'm also am happy to know that we have both been able to move forward. So once again to you and yours I say "All the best!" Take care and stay well...
Posted by: Tony at November 10, 2008 2:36 PMI just got into reading this blog regularly to see what you are up to. I even comment every now and then.
Was it something I said??? :)
Hope all is well with you and your growing family. Tell the Buckeyes that I said Hello to All.
Take Care, MAK.
Posted by: Karyn at November 10, 2008 4:02 PMThanks for the ride...
:)
Good luck, thanks for sharing your stories!
Posted by: homer at November 10, 2008 6:30 PMOh please. We both know bloggers who have had more comebacks than Liza. :-)
However, sometimes it's good to take a break. And then sometimes it's good to reinvent yourself. Or not. Either way, thanks for sharing your story.
I owe you a cocktail or three the next time I'm in town. Don't fall off the face of the planet, eh?
Thank you MAK for all these years of the barn. I will miss reading your life! Take care and good luck!
Posted by: escotado at November 11, 2008 5:06 PMMAK,
Like TunaGirl, yours was also one of the first blogs I ever read. You've made me laugh, cry, and lose sleep (when your father passed away). I know we've never really spoken, but I feel like I know you. Keep us updated on facebook, and best of luck...
Judy
MAK... I never felt like I had the chance to really get to know you, even though I've met you in person, and I feel like you and I have had such similar experiences in life in the last few years. I'm grateful that I do know you, though, because you always have such an interesting perspective on life. I'm sorry you'll be leaving this realm, but I'm glad I'll still see you around Facebook and other place on 'The Net.' You will certainly be missed, but at least you're doing the right thing and leaving when things are going GOOD in your life. I think that's great... and I look forward to seeing you around sometime in the future.
Best,
Rick
Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. I will miss my visits to the barn, but understand how things change. Best of luck to you in the future - and who knows? Perhaps our paths will cross in the future.
Fondly,
Sam
Posted by: Sam at November 12, 2008 7:02 AMHi sweetie.... You have been one of my best friends for how many years now? I know that I won't lose touch with you now that the Cows have come home, but I wanted to thank you for sharing a part of yourself through this blog. While I know that we will always be there for each other and always have, it has been such a treat to get a glimpse into your daily life on the blog. CPT J and I (and MAMMADJAJM) love you and K lots and lots... xoxo
Posted by: Jenn at November 12, 2008 9:09 AMWow! I had not read your blog in awhile and something inside me made me look it up only to see it has come to a close. I understand that Blogs often have to use a filter but this is true in everyday conversation too. Your blog made me start a small little live journal place a few years ago that I often do brain dumps and ramble on myself. Your site has ment a lot to people youll never know. Atleast it did for me. Best of Luck and Thanks.
Jeff
Quitter.
(I kid! Of course I kid. Except of course that you're actually quitting, But that's beside the point. And palochi is a fine one to talk about falling off the face of the planet, no?) You're one of the nicest people who's ever gotten me tanked out of my mind. (Bob is, as you might guess, the other one.) Stay in touch, hon.
Posted by: Jeffrey at November 13, 2008 8:18 AMBest of luck in your life off the grid!
Posted by: Jeff at November 13, 2008 4:59 PMI am sorry to hear you are taking a break (totally understand I have had my share of breaks from my podcast as well. I hope as others have written you will be back soon. I also wanted to let you know I posted our interview (so sorry it took so long) I thought what you had to say was so touching!!
Wish you the best
Tom
Posted by: Ramble Redhead at November 19, 2008 2:12 PMI am sorry to hear you are taking a break (totally understand I have had my share of breaks from my podcast as well. I hope as others have written you will be back soon. I also wanted to let you know I posted our interview (so sorry it took so long) I thought what you had to say was so touching!!
Wish you the best
Tom
Posted by: Ramble Redhead at November 19, 2008 2:12 PMBest of luck MAK.
Posted by: Billy at November 20, 2008 1:52 PMWow. Your blog was one of the first blogs I ever read from beginning to end, I may not have commented much but I always checked in, and read your posts. I have laughed, I have cried, in short you moved me (I won't use Jodi's schtick, she got it first). Suffice it to say the blogosphere will be a sadder place without the Barn to hang out in. I do understand though. All the best to you, K, and the whole MAK family !!
Take care, you will be missed.
OMG - thought I'd be the only one. But cowcowcow - thanks for keeping us entertained with your humor and sharing glipse of your life.
Posted by: Wayne at December 12, 2008 3:21 PM