Perverts. Each and every one of you. Last week's Summer Lovin' challenge was the most popular post I've had in a long time. Who knew that all I had to do was emulate Carrie Bradshaw (apparently, I've been informed, some think I'm living in a fantasy and just trying to be her all the time anyway...which is total bull - we all know that I'm a Miranda) and give you some summer smut?
Many of you e-mailed to say that you couldn't leave a comment because you simply couldn't decide which one was the truth. It seems that I am a very good liar. My secret: all good lies must be based upon as much truth as possible. Each of the fictitious tales were inspired by real events, just like Law & Order and Fox News. So without further delay, the answers!
THE STORY: Summer Music Seduction
THE VERDICT: False!
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: The entire story is true...up to "my powers of persuasion". In reality, he told me, "I'm very flattered. And if I were gay, you'd be my first choice." He was very kind and respectful as I made an ass of myself. Then I ran back to my room in shame and we eventually got a good chuckle over the fact that I couldn't make eye contact with him for the next three days.
THE STORY: Fudge Packin' In The Freezer
THE VERDICT: False!
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: He really did work in the lesbian-run ice cream shop. And he did always smell amazing when he'd get home after his shift. But we never did it on the premises. Too many risks - like finding out the owners had the same thing in mind and accidentally slipping on a patch of frozen lesbian goo. Talk about a cock block.
THE STORY: The Orleans Orgy
THE VERDICT: False!
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: Oh, how popular this lie was! Now I know what you all really think of me (not that I didn't already know). Only the first two sentences of this story were true: yes, we went to New Orleans and yes, we stayed in the Marigny right across the street from the Phoenix. But we never went to the Phoenix. And we never actually saw another guest staying in the same inn. We are the only people in the history of New Orleans tourism to be sober, in bed and asleep before the eleven o'clock news. We had a fantastic vacation (as you can read in the June 2005 archives of this blog), and how sorry I am to disappoint all of you with the truth about this lie!
And so you have the answer...
THE STORY: AOL Antics
THE VERDICT: True!!!
Congrats to the select few who figured it out! Every sentence of this story is true. The guy was a sweetheart, truly. But the sex grew more agonizing and tedious with each attempt. It's a wonder that I still have use of my jaw. I'm not at all ashamed to admit that I only hung on for the concert passes. They were floor seats. I earned those fuckers with hard work and determination. To this very day I still don't enjoy sex in the shower. Not even by myself. 'Nuff said.
I hope you enjoyed this session of Truth Or Lies Tuesday as much as I did. We'll return to it again later this month!
I was right! I knew it when you looked at me...right before, uh, well, you know.
Well, I was wrong. Maybe my choice was based on which "episode" I'd rather see on Xtube. lol. Alas, I can now sleep knowing the truth.
Posted by: CdeV at July 1, 2008 3:12 PMMiranda, my ass. You're a tried and true Samantha. I know this because it takes one to know one.
Posted by: Jodi at July 5, 2008 10:14 AM