'Til The Cows Come Home

In Like A Lion, Out Like A...

March is a few hours away from being over. Good riddance, I say. And as such this will be the last blog post about my health unless something significant happens.

I haven't had much to say lately. Well, not here anyway. I've been very subdued and introspective. Weighing lots of different things in my mind. Thinking. But also relaxing and resting, and focusing on getting well. It's been a bit of a struggle. As I started to emerge from the chaos of all this illness, I landed myself with the flu. Three more days in bed on top of everything else. Thankfully, sleeping is one of my favorite things to do.

Oh, and for those keeping count...184.2 pounds. It may have briefly been lower but I may have stopped some of the pound shedding when I had a whole bag of Jelly Bellies for dinner on Friday night and an entire box of Entenmann's soft-baked chocolate chip cookies for lunch on Saturday. Hey, I've had no appetite - when I get a craving, I'm gonna eat what I want! It's like being pregnant but reverse belly growth!

I'm still not one-hundred percent, nor does it look like I will be for a while. I'm going to need one more surgery to completely repair the damage that has been done. Without it, I face a seventy percent chance of recurrence. I see the surgeon again at the end of April and based on how far I've progressed on my own - barring a relapse - we'll talk more details about the last procedure. It will likely be more invasive and involved. But I'm all for it if it means an end to all of this for good.

Also, I have some words of advice for anyone out there whose physician may prescribe Levaquin: DON'T TAKE IT. Had I not been on so many pain killers when I first started taking it I would have recognized the side effects immediately and been able to switch to something equally effective and less toxic. Now, however, I'm left with some horrible muscle and joint pain that may or may not go away even though I'm no longer on the medication.

So March has been a shitty month by just about every measurable standard. Except for one: I've learned to listen to myself. I've learned that there are things in this world beyond my control. I've discovered that there are some things that need to be let go, no matter how much I think holding on to them means something. And a result, by some miracle, I've managed to let go of my stress.

I could have let all of this beat me to the ground, especially coming after a rough few months of other events that are totally blogworthy but unfortunately unbloggable. And I started to let it all get me down. But I woke up. And now I know how many beautiful and rare gifts I've been given in my life. And I'm not going to forget that ever again. It all sounds ridiculously cheesy and mumbo-jumbo and over the top, but it's remarkable how clearly I see the world around me now. My vision isn't foggy anymore. My priorities have changed.

Springtime is here.