'Til The Cows Come Home

Home For The Holidays

Once upon a time there was a chubby little boy from the outskirts of Cleveland, Ohio. He didn't have very many friends at school. And while the neighborhood boys let him hang out with them, they were all older than he was and couldn't be bothered to pay that much attention to him unless it involved playing with his dad's fancy new IBM computer or to swim in his family's pool. Every year around the holidays, the chubby little boy would be so excited about the Christmas vacation because it meant two whole weeks away from school and the loneliness he felt there during the days. Two whole weeks of playing with his new Star Wars toys or his sister's Strawberry Shortcake dolls. Two whole weeks of playing around the house and watching Days Of Our Lives with his mom (he knew Stefano was evil, but he never really understood the whole John Black as a 'pawn' thing). But he got to be home, and that's all he cared about.

Eventually that chubby little boy grew up to be a slender college freshman. After years of insecurity and uncertainty he had finally come to terms with who he was. Living away from home for the first time, he was learning to express himself with confidence. He was outgoing and popular with lots of friends. He wasn't ashamed of his feelings for other boys and reveled in being free. When it came time for his first winter break it was agonizing for him to go home and have to retreat into a life where he could almost be himself, but not quite, because some of his friends and family from 'that world' still hadn't come to full terms with his new self. Because he was so excited about this new life he was impatient with those who still needed more time to understand him. And so he felt isolated and frustrated and lonely all over again and couldn't wait for those weeks to be pass and be back in his brave new world.

As the student became an alum he moved away from home. It wasn't that far from Cleveland to New York, but it was far enough. Though he was exhilarated to be living in New York, he found himself feeling strangely disconnected and alone once again. He wasn't sure how to be a small town boy in the Big Apple. He clung to the small band of friends that had made the journey with him but had a difficult time exploring new situations and making new relationships. When that first Christmas rolled around he had never been more excited to go home. Nearly penniless, sick with bronchitis, sad and lonely from the split with his college boyfriend, he couldn't wait to spend the holidays with his family. In the years since that first college Christmas his family had gone through a tremendous growth and had a closeness that other families would be happen to even dream of attaining. They were a source of comfort, strength, and familiarity. They were reliable and reassuring and couldn't wait to see him. He wished that week at home could have lasted much, much longer.

As time passed and the young man once again found his confidence, courage and identity in the big city, he met another young man and was instantly smitten. He knew this person was the goods and had every intention on keeping him around for a while. Though they had only been on two proper dates before Christmas was upon them, the young man couldn't wait to go home and gush to his friends and family about the new person in his life. But at the same time, he hated being away from this new person because it meant he'd have to wait longer to spend more time with him. It was a long week away from city but it was a wonderful week at home - a perfectly acceptable balance.

In time, as the new person because the person, it became clear that it wouldn't always be possible for the man to travel back to Cleveland for Christmas. It was a huge adjustment but one that was understood and accepted as part of growing up and becoming part of a new family, which welcomed him with wide-open arms as if he were always one of their own. As the years passed and the time in between Ohio Christmases grew further and further apart, the man's family went through some tumultuous changes. There was new life and there was death. There was loss and there was growth. But there was always still a family to go home to if and when the opportunity presented itself.

Once again, the man can't make it back to Ohio for Christmas. It will be another holiday of long distance phone calls and express-mailed gifts. He will once again be joining his partner's family for their yearly yuletide traditions. But as the holiday approaches and he reflects on how he has approached the holidays over the past thirty years, he realizes that he is lucky to have not one but two families. And that no matter where he spends it, he is always home for the holidays.