The warning I issued several weeks ago clearly fell on deaf ears. This morning, no less than five separate alarm clocks screeched their way across the courtyard, starting at five thirty this morning. They still had not stopped by the time I left for work.
People must die.
But first, I must slay the being presently living in the apartment upstairs. I presume it to be a "she" although I have my doubts. It's equally likely like it is a "rhinoceros" judging by the sounds it has created for the past several days at all hours of the night.
As rhinos are an endangered species, I would hate to have to kill one. Killing what sounds like Mama Cass wearing high heels, as she chases a midget dressed as a ham sandwich, running back and forth across the apartment, knocking furniture over left and right along the way...well, I have no problem putting that "person" out of their misery. Several times over.
If you don't see a post from me in the next twenty four hours and start to worry, this is probably a good place to start looking.
Posted by mak at July 26, 2004 2:46 PMIn an effort to maintain good neighbor relations, you could chip in on one of those couch sectionals that has enough seating for Mama Cass, the rhino and the midget in addition to a built in fridge. No need to chase the ham sandwich...bring the ham sandwich to them!
Posted by: Jenn at July 26, 2004 4:20 PMDon't do it! It's sooo not worth it. There's no Six Feet Under there...there's no Chubby Hubby. There's no Cafe RAF, for gosh sakes!!!
Posted by: zenchick at July 26, 2004 4:48 PMJenn: You're so crafty.
Zenchick: True, but there's dirty inmate sex.
Posted by: MAK at July 26, 2004 4:50 PMYeah, but it's only hot if Chris Meloni is your cell mate.
Posted by: Crash at July 26, 2004 5:21 PMMmmmmmm....Chubby Hubby.
Mmmmmm.....Chris Meloni.
Mmmmmm....dirty inmate sex.
Posted by: The Other Brian at July 26, 2004 5:34 PMMmm . . . eating Chubby Hubby while having dirty inmate sex with Chris Meloni.
Posted by: Crash at July 26, 2004 5:39 PMI hope your upstairs neighbor chokes on a chicken bone!
Posted by: JR at July 26, 2004 8:35 PMahahahhaaaahahahaaa...... they couldn't keep you locked-down in there long even if their lives depended on it!! but the inmate sex does sound tempting... aahahhaaaaaa....
Posted by: jennir at July 26, 2004 8:54 PMI suggest one of two things: napalm, or starting a noise war (make as much noise as humanly possible until one of you finally breaks and confronts the other face-to-face). The only drawback of option 2 is that it brings other neighbors into the mix. But, come to think of it, so would option 1. Probably.
A noise war was instituted in my friend's dorm two years ago after she got fed up with her neighbors blasting German techno and moving furniture around at 4am.
Posted by: Kimberly at July 26, 2004 10:30 PMDear Son,
I really thought I taught you better manners than this. Don't you remember the saying "Do unto others as thy do to thyself." tist, tist shaking my head! If you asked her politely to keep the noise down,and she didn't, then you may go upstairs and tell her to shut the f**k up and shove her high heels where the sun don't shine!! But please remember to use your "indoor voice" and wear clean underwear in case you get arrested. I don't want to be a failure as a mother if you get caught with dirty underpants.
Sincerly,
Mama MAK
that's funny. because i swear that the 250 lb girl upstairs from me holds the daytona 500 every night in her apt. well, every night, except for the nights i can her some guy fucking her, right above my bed. yea, great visual, i know.
Posted by: buzz at July 26, 2004 11:39 PMwell i just moved and the old lady downstairs has already come with the welcome wagon at midnight telling me i couldn't walk anymore because the wood floor boards in the prewar building creaks when i walk and that just wouldn't work for her. and i don't even stomp when i walk. i guess there will be no PSQN in my creaky floor board of a room....well maybe. MAK, wanna come over with K and be my test case? hehehehe (but you have to bring your own sheets -- this ain't no motel by the hour).
Posted by: tribecatexan at July 27, 2004 1:06 AMTribe: Screw that. Cranking your stereo or moving furniture after midnight is inconsiderate. But... walking? Tell her to take a hike. And if she's got a problem, tell her to call the landlord.
Posted by: palochi at July 27, 2004 11:38 AMDon't call me Mama.....you can call me Cass.