Okay, my apartment is in one piece. Landlady had all of my dishes scrubbed, the cupboards and walls wiped down and the floors mopped by the time I got home today, much to my surprise. I was prepared for another night of being up to my elbows in filth and gearing up for a huge fight again. We had a calm little chat about what happened, and everything is fine. I can still withhold any additional expenses from next month's rent, and she will be fine with it. Life moves on.
Now, I had said I would talk about my daughter, Camille. First thing's first...Camille is a 3" tall plastic cow. Nobody ever said she was human.
[Bit of history: At some point way back in high school, somebody gave me something cow-themed as a gift. I don't remember who it was, or even what the gift was, but I must've said something like, "Oooo, I love it" because then EVERYBODY started giving me cow-themed gifts. I just ran with it. Cows are cool. They make milk which makes ice cream, how could I object to starting a cow collection? (Yes, they also make steak which tastes good, particularly when medium-rare, but we don't talk about that in front of Camille.)]
But she has the best life of any 3" plastic cow, I'm telling you. You can't possibly think I'm more whacked than you already do, so I'll divulge some details. Camille was given to me as a Christmas gift at some point in college. My best friend C. and I would take her to the mall on a string leash and drag her behind us, take her to the bank and try to get tellers to talk to her...all sorts of crazy yet completely entertaining things. C. took her on a cruise one summer while I was away doing summer stock, and took pictures of Camille on the beach, playing shuffleboard on deck, doing her life presever drills (the best picture was of my 3" tall plastic cow in a full-size bright orange life vest) and even went so far as to have Camille's picture taken on Portrait Night. I have taken pictures of her around the city, eating at a diner, looking out over Times Square, riding in elevators, etc. As soon as I upgrade and have picture capability here, I shall post pictures of Camille.
C. and I share custody of Camille. I find it is beneficial for her to have a female point of view in her upbringing, as well as experience abroad. C. will be going to Mexico for the summer (she's a Spanish teacher), and tempted as I was to allow Camille to accompany her, I have left her in C.'s exquisite care since January, and I think Camille should enjoy a summer in the big city with me. Perhaps go to a movie in Bryant Park or out to Fire Island. So my parents are going to watch Camille for two weeks after C. leaves for Mexico, and I shall claim her when I go to Cleveland for Fourth of July weekend. We will have a lot to catch up on. For example, a few months ago, Camille came out to C. as a lesbian. I'm so proud.
So yes, I'm the crazy father whose daughter is a plastic cow. But that doesn't mean I love her any less.
Posted by mak at June 12, 2003 9:59 PM