Since people continue to be mystified by my former association with Taco Bell, I thought I would pass along my favorite Taco Bell tale.
Picture it, Strongsville, summer, 1995. I was working the late-night closing shift at the Bell, manning the cashier position at the Drive-Thru. It was late, well past midnight; the time of night when only drunken fools come to Taco Bell because it's the only place open to acquire hangover nourishment.
As the next customer's car pulled up to the menu board speaker, I could hear faint girly giggling in the background while a butch jock-type of fellow slurred out his order for two soft taco supreme value meals. Groaning at the prospect of yet another bunch of intoxicated idiots passing my way, I gave them their total and instructed them to pull up to the window. When their car arrived and I pushed the window open to collect their $6, I did a double take.
The man in the driver's seat had his pants down around his knees, and the girl in the passenger's seat was doubled over across the gear shift, giving him a blow job.
I didn't quite know what to say, so I just politely repeated their order total and reluctantly stuck my hand out to receive the cash all the while trying to keep my eyes diverted from the carnal act taking place mere inches away. When I again opened the window to hand the, er, gentleman his change, he laid his head back on the headrest, rolled his eyes back and said, "Dude, she's got a hot fuckin' mouth. She's doing a fuckin' awesome job, huh, Dude?"
The girl gave a muffled giggle as her head bobbed up and down.
"Ummmm, yes, stellar," was all I could manage to say. "Would you like hot or mild sauce with your meal?"
"No, dude, I'm good, I'm real fuckin' good."
"Would she like any with her meal?"
That seemed to snap both of them back from their alcoholic haze for a brief second. He promptly removed himself from her, um, possession, and covered his nether-region with his hands. She sat up, wiped the drool off her jaw and tried to compose herself in the passenger's seat while I passed the bag of food through the window.
As they pulled away, I couldn't help but feel disappointed with myself that I hadn't used every tool at my disposal to really humiliate them...after all, the Taco Bell Sour Cream gun was sitting mere inches away from my register.
Well. Hindsight is 20/20.
Posted by mak at July 14, 2003 5:15 PM