Selecting wedding music can be a royal pain the ass. If you've ever planned a wedding or have been a musician at a wedding, you know all too well what I mean. Many parishes are strict about what can and cannot be performed during the actual ceremony. It all usually has to be "God this" and "God that" and "Jesus loves weddings!" type of stuff. Catholics used to be particularly firm with this rule, but given what we hear in the news these days about priests, it's not really so much of a shocker that show tunes have crept into the standard Catholic wedding repertoire, now is it?
When my cousin M.S. sat down with the minister for final approval on the wedding songs she had selected, he shot down every song she put on the table. His suggestion was that M.S. have KVB and I sing a rousing rendition of "Edelweiss" during the ceremony. M.S. had a few problems with this, not the least of which being that neither famly is Austrian. In the end, he gave in and approved the songs, as long as they were going to be sung prior to the actual ceremony. As I've previously mentioned, the songs were "I'll Be" and "When You Say Nothing At All." I've also previously mentioned that these have to be some of the most inappropriate songs ever to be selected for a wedding. Let's break them down, shall we?
For starters, "I'll Be" isn't exactly an uplifting, love-inspiring song. It was a theme song for a now-defunct show on the WB network. That right there should tell you something. When turning to the lyrics, we hear: "And tell me that we belong together; Dress it up with the trappings of love. I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips; Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above" Translation: "I'm so desperate to find love that I could kill myself. You're not great, but beggars can't be choosers. We can just fake it and call it love, and then we won't be losers and I won't have to waste money on rope."
As for "When You Say Nothing At All," oh sure, it has several cute and make-you-wanna-puke verses that make it perfect for a wedding. "It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart; Without saying a word you can light up the dark," we are fooled into believing. My gosh, we think, these two people have such a deep and profound connection, how could they not be together forever? And then, the title line, "You say it best when you say nothing at all." There it is; the true sentiment of the song, thinly-veiled amongst all the rest of the sap says: "Listen, yeah I kind of love you, but I'll love you a lot more and we'll last longer if you don't open your mouth and give me reasons to hate you. So shut up already and give me a foot rub. I said NOW."
The guests barely had time absorb the subtext of the songs before the minister launched into his own round of inappropriate stories.
"In celebrating the union of M. and D., I am reminded of a story from the Titanic," he said halfway through the ceremony. He proceeded to tell the well-known story of Ida Strauss, wife of millionaire Isador Strauss, who refused to be separated from her husband as the ship sank.
"They had vowed to stay together until death, and they saw that through to the end," the minister said. "I pray that your love meets the same fate. Well, not the same exact fate. But, well, you know."
Despite the songs and tales of matrimonial gloom and doom, M. and D. are a perfect match. And as long as they never buy a boat and go sailing on the Atlantic during the winter, they will have a long and happy life together.
Posted by mak at January 16, 2004 1:14 PM